It is 8pm. Your child is stuck, tired and about to cry over fractions. You know the answer. Saying it would end the evening, and would also teach nothing. This guide offers a simple approach for helping without solving the problem, plus a script you can use tonight. The short answer is to ask what the question means, ask what they have tried, find the exact point of confusion, give the smallest hint that helps, and ask them to explain the answer back.
Why not just tell them?
When we hand over answers, children learn that answers come from other people. Learning happens when they retrieve, struggle a little and make connections. Research on AI tutors backs this up: in a randomised trial with nearly 1,000 high school maths students (PNAS), students who could ask an AI for answers did 17% worse on an unaided exam than students who used no AI, while a version that gave hints did not show that harm. The goal, then, is to give the smallest help that keeps them moving.
What is the five-step script?
Step 1: ask them to explain the task. Say "Tell me what the question is asking, in your own words." Many stuck moments are simply misreading, and saying the question aloud often unsticks them.
Step 2: ask what they have tried. Say "What have you tried so far? What happened?" If they have tried nothing, ask what they would try first, because a wrong start is better than none.
Step 3: find the exact point of confusion. Say "Which part makes sense? Where does it stop making sense?" This turns "I don't get it" into something specific. Compare "I don't get fractions" with "I don't know what to do with the bottom numbers when they are different." The second one can be fixed in five minutes.
Step 4: give a hint, not a solution. Use a ladder, starting from the lightest help. The lightest is a question, such as "What do we need for the bottom numbers to match?" Next is a pointer, such as "Look at the example on page 42." Then a similar problem, such as "Let's try 1/2 + 1/4 together, then you do yours," and finally a first step, such as "Here is the first step. What comes next?" Only move down the ladder when needed.
Step 5: ask them to explain the answer. Say "How do you know that's right? Could you show me a different way to check?" If they can explain it, they have learned it.
What does the script sound like in real life?
Your child is stuck on 1/3 + 1/4 and says, "I don't get it."
You: Tell me what the question is asking.
Child: Add the two fractions.
You: What have you tried?
Child: I added the tops and the bottoms and got 2/7. But that looks too small.
You: Good noticing. Is 2/7 bigger or smaller than 1/3? How could you check?
You have not solved anything, yet your child has just found their own mistake. Their instinct that 2/7 "looks too small" was the key, and you only pointed at it.
How does the help change with age?
Younger children, about five to eight, do best with objects. Counters, coins, blocks and drawings turn a symbol into something they can touch, and sessions should stay to about ten minutes. In the middle years, roughly nine to twelve, ask them to explain in their own words and to check their answers, because this is the age to build the habit of checking. Teenagers usually want less help and more questions. They often prefer to work alone, so ask, "Do you want a hint or should I leave you to it?" and respect the answer.
Which phrases help, and which get in the way?
Helpful phrases keep the thinking with the child: "What do you already know about this?", "What would you try if you had to guess?", "What does the example do that you could copy?", "Take a break, then come back to it," and "It's okay to not get it yet." Some phrases do harm even when meant kindly. "It's easy" is untrue for them, "Just do it like this" steals the thinking, and "You should know this" shuts down asking.
What if the method has changed since you were at school?
Many parents find that maths is taught differently from when they were at school. Ask your child to show you the method, or look at the class example together, because teaching the "old way" can confuse them. If you need to, message the teacher.
What about using AI at home?
Many children already turn to a chatbot, and the problem is that a default chatbot gives the answer. If your child uses AI, sit with them at first and try a prompt like this.
"Don't give me the answer. Ask me a question that helps me figure it out."
Tutor AI is built to work this way from the start: it asks questions, gives hints in steps and uses interactive practice, so the routine above happens without you needing to know the topic. You can still sit with them and see how it goes.
What do you do when your child says "just tell me"?
It will happen. A calm, consistent reply works better than a debate: "I'm not going to give you the answer, but I'll stay with you while you work it out. What is the first thing you could try?" If they are worn out, it is fine to give a bigger hint or to show one full worked example of a similar problem, then have them do theirs. The rule is not "never help." It is "never do the thinking for them."
Does the teacher want to see perfect work?
Different classes and teachers have different expectations about how much help parents give, so ask what the teacher wants. Some prefer to see honest mistakes, because they show where the class needs more teaching. A page of perfect answers that the child could not produce alone tells the teacher nothing.
When should you stop?
If your child is upset, has been stuck for more than 15 minutes, or it is late, stop. Write a note to the teacher: "We spent 15 minutes on this and got stuck at the step where..." That is useful information, not a failure.
The script on one card
Explain the task, say what you have tried, find where it stops making sense, take the smallest hint that helps, and explain how you know. If you can remember those five steps, you can help with any subject, even one you have forgotten.
Frequently asked questions
What if I do not know the subject? You do not need to. The script works by asking questions, not by knowing the answer, and "where does it stop making sense?" is useful in any subject.
Is it ever fine to show the answer? Sometimes, after real effort, and best as a worked example of a similar problem. Then ask your child to solve theirs and explain it.
How do I stop homework becoming a battle? Keep sessions short, start with what they can do, and stop when they are upset. A calm ten minutes beats an angry hour.
Should I check homework for mistakes before it goes in? Ask your child to check it first, and use the hint ladder if they find something. Teachers learn more from honest attempts than from corrected ones.